[Malrennan's Fall] Prologue (rewritten)

[esperesa]

Okay well, I'll just leave this here. Here's the reworked version of the first few pages for Malrennan's Fall. I like to think it looks more interesting this way. There is only one real plot difference and it's not all that important, but, you know. Pretties.

The old version looked like this, for those who would like to see it: Page 1, page 2.

- Beta'd by Phoen. Thanks babe. <3



Warning for gore. As in dead people. Again.









* Malnourishment and ascites can cause extreme bloating of the abdominal captivity due to the accumulation of fluids (oedema).

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Comments

[digitaldollies]

Wow! You pictures are breathtaking. This is off to a great start.

[esperesa]

Thanks so much! :D

[bethssimspage.blogspot.com]

Plot changes do matter! Ok apart from the bloat and baby...yes of course it's gorgeous. I'm wondering why you think it's more interesting. The last shot is beyond belief perfect, and it looks like a womb.

[esperesa]

Beth! Thank you! :D
Oh, the 'interesting' bit: I was frustrating myself into a tizzy over the first version, because I'd written everything in a descriptive way (as in characters just talking about the events instead of them actually *happening*) instead of 'show, don't tell'... if that makes sense. I wanted to slap that out most of all.
Argh, I'm still catching up with Sessions; I feel bad about not being able to understand the dynamics between the characters as well as I'd want to yet. XD

[pyxidis]

Oh my gosh, so gorgeous! I never thought the pictures could get any better. :) Can't wait for more.

[esperesa]

Thanks Pyxis! It's definitely nice to see how much you can improve in a year.

[blackmetalheart]

Beautiful reworking.

[esperesa]

Thank you. :)

[simsarenotfood]

Wow this is gorgeous, the pictures and the plot and everything, I can't wait for the next part! :)

[esperesa]

Thank you! I'll try not to take too long. XD

[lovehappyweekend]

Eee ;_; *long time stalker*

Adore the atmosphere in this, wow! Having everyone faceless lends it this air of disturbing impersonality. Both sets were well-taken but the latter is so much more chilling. :'D I AWAIT LATER INSTALLMENTS WITH BATED BREATH

[esperesa]

Chilling is good. Glad to hear that! 8D

[xtinabobina]

*facepalm* Holy cow. Your shots tell a story all their own. <3

[esperesa]

Thank you! I like unleashing them Photosoup filters on my unsuspecting pixels. XD

*Drool

[(Anonymous)]

Wow. I really don't have much to say but you're AMAZING. Every scene is so reaaaaal.